tick, tock, tick, tock February 23, 2009

…still waiting to hear from other schools. Minnesota’s website says they’re mailing notices today. I’ve already heard that Alabama rejection notes have gone out. My returned postcard from UT-Austin said decisions will be made late February/early March. Acceptances have already gone up on the boards for Alabama, Minnesota, Vanderbilt, and ASU. The rest of the schools – no idea what their schedules are like. No idea where I fit into their schemes.

I was doing good there for a while – of course, happy with my one acceptance, then mentally distracted by Valentine’s Day, then AWP. But now, now’s the time! C’mon, people! Tell me what you know.

Honestly, I would be OK if I get rejected from every other school I applied to. Sure, it would damage the ego a little bit, but then it would make the decision making process a lot easier. I could go ahead and plan my moving date and get on with life. But now I’m starting to get a little worried – what if I have to make A LOT of decisions, quickly? What if I get waitlisted somewhere really awesome, and then have to wait even longer just to make sure it’s not a possibility, too? what if, what if, what if…

This time last year, I was rushing home to the mailbox almost every day. Eating lots of chocolate. Losing my brain. I’m trying to keep my cool. I’ve been going to the gym more and getting home later. I still eat chocolate – thanks to those damn Girl Scouts! – but it’s not about filling a void right now. I think. I went to Trader Joe’s yesterday and stocked up on fruits and veggies just in case my needs kick up again.

In other news, my writers’ group this weekend was great. I was motivated last month to start writing a fiction piece, mainly because the poetry is stifled by this whole application process, and I was bored. I kept working on it over three weeks, and punched out around 8 pages in third draft form. This was the second piece of fiction I’ve ever written. The last one was 6 years ago. I submitted my new story to my group, a little uneasy. It wasn’t finished, and I’m so used to being the oddball in there. I’m one of a few poets and the rest of them are fiction writers. Not to mention, I think I probably talk the most (and dish the most constructive criticism) in the group, so I was waiting for the arrows to fly in my direction! But it went really well. They liked it. They really liked it. They actually wanted to read more, and are eager to hear how I finish it. Their criticisms were in the places where I expected it, because I was still working out those parts. The only negative thing from the whole experience is that I’ve realized what I have here. No longer is this little piece of fiction little. It’s working itself into a novella. I’ve dived in too far. I wasn’t ready for this! I’m going to school for poetry! I can’t be all things at once!

Sigh. OK. Things could be worse. At least I’ve got time on my side. Or do I?