tick, tock, tick, tock February 23, 2009

…still waiting to hear from other schools. Minnesota’s website says they’re mailing notices today. I’ve already heard that Alabama rejection notes have gone out. My returned postcard from UT-Austin said decisions will be made late February/early March. Acceptances have already gone up on the boards for Alabama, Minnesota, Vanderbilt, and ASU. The rest of the schools – no idea what their schedules are like. No idea where I fit into their schemes.

I was doing good there for a while – of course, happy with my one acceptance, then mentally distracted by Valentine’s Day, then AWP. But now, now’s the time! C’mon, people! Tell me what you know.

Honestly, I would be OK if I get rejected from every other school I applied to. Sure, it would damage the ego a little bit, but then it would make the decision making process a lot easier. I could go ahead and plan my moving date and get on with life. But now I’m starting to get a little worried – what if I have to make A LOT of decisions, quickly? What if I get waitlisted somewhere really awesome, and then have to wait even longer just to make sure it’s not a possibility, too? what if, what if, what if…

This time last year, I was rushing home to the mailbox almost every day. Eating lots of chocolate. Losing my brain. I’m trying to keep my cool. I’ve been going to the gym more and getting home later. I still eat chocolate – thanks to those damn Girl Scouts! – but it’s not about filling a void right now. I think. I went to Trader Joe’s yesterday and stocked up on fruits and veggies just in case my needs kick up again.

In other news, my writers’ group this weekend was great. I was motivated last month to start writing a fiction piece, mainly because the poetry is stifled by this whole application process, and I was bored. I kept working on it over three weeks, and punched out around 8 pages in third draft form. This was the second piece of fiction I’ve ever written. The last one was 6 years ago. I submitted my new story to my group, a little uneasy. It wasn’t finished, and I’m so used to being the oddball in there. I’m one of a few poets and the rest of them are fiction writers. Not to mention, I think I probably talk the most (and dish the most constructive criticism) in the group, so I was waiting for the arrows to fly in my direction! But it went really well. They liked it. They really liked it. They actually wanted to read more, and are eager to hear how I finish it. Their criticisms were in the places where I expected it, because I was still working out those parts. The only negative thing from the whole experience is that I’ve realized what I have here. No longer is this little piece of fiction little. It’s working itself into a novella. I’ve dived in too far. I wasn’t ready for this! I’m going to school for poetry! I can’t be all things at once!

Sigh. OK. Things could be worse. At least I’ve got time on my side. Or do I?

Worth the wait February 10, 2009

Phew! It has hardly been a month since I last posted, and so much has happened. Thanks, Jeannine, for snapping me back into Reality. I just returned from a mini-vacation and I should have posted this before I left…because it is really good news…it just hadn’t settled in yet…

I got into UNC Greensboro’s program!

I found out last Friday, and it came as a complete surprise, mainly because of the way they notified me – by mail. After a long day at work, I met up with a friend for dinner and drinks. The restaurant was so close to my house that I *almost* went home to check my mailbox, but I gave myself a big girl pill and told myself that it’s ridiculous to keep checking my mail, you know you won’t hear from any schools until March. I made myself think this even though I had talked to the Greensboro director a couple weeks before. They had contacted me to tell me about the admissions process and where I was in it. They had told me I was doing good, as in, receiving high remarks from the faculty. I know, I should have mentioned this earlier, too, but I was trying to be good and not freak out too much. And really, I wasn’t sure what to make of it. I mean, they had liked my portfolio last year, too, but I didn’t make it higher than the waitlist. One of my recommenders this year was a graduate of their program, so I thought maybe they were just telling me nice things because of her letter. I even asked her if she knew anything, and she said to sit tight and wait. So, I waited. I waited 14 days after that phone call. That’s 14 days on top of a year of waiting, wondering if I’d be good enough to get in. I was getting pretty proud of that waiting. So proud that I let myself wait until 9 p.m. to check the mail on Friday.

I was on the phone with Scott at the time, and about to hang up, when I looked in the box and saw the giant envelope with Greensboro’s logo. I told him to hang on until I opened it. Even then, I was telling myself, oh this is just some stupid graduate housing mailer or other junk that graduate schools send you when they get your application. The envelope was so thin it made that idea easy to conjure. But no, when I read “congratulations” and “admission” and “Master of Fine Arts graduate program in writing” and saw they were all in the same line, I knew it was the real deal. I started screaming “I’m in! I’m in! I’m in!” and the cats scattered and I’m sure Scott had to pull the phone away from his ear. Then I called a few people and headed back out the door for more drinks, this time under the premise of celebration!

So, on this Tuesday morning, it’s still sinking in. I got in. I haven’t called everyone I need to tell yet. And of course, the awkward thing is since I had to go out of town until late last night, I haven’t had a chance to call the Greensboro MFA dept. to talk to them about my acceptance. I found it odd that they let me know of my admission from the graduate school instead of emailing or calling me like we’ve communicated before. But then again, it felt good to have an official letter in my hands. And I have fewer questions for them than other programs, because I became so familiar with the MFA program when I was on the waitlist last year. But I still want to tell them “thanks!” and see if there’s any more news on their end. I haven’t heard about funding yet, although I qualify for in-state tuition. Anyway, I hate that I have to sit here at my day job and can’t call them. (Maybe I’ll get out of the office for lunch or something – I dunno!)

But yeah, I feel like such a nut for applying to so many other programs (Can I get my money back? hehe), and now I have to wait to hear from them. I just didn’t believe that I had a sure fire chance of getting into Greensboro just because I was on their waitlist last year and had my application deferred. But, I’m still keeping my options open. There are a few schools that could be deal breakers, at least as far as funding. Other schools have the place factor going for them – the idea of moving somewhere completely different than the Southeast. And there are the yet-to-be-determined other factors that may win me over somewhere else, or at least flirt me in some other capacity…as Greensboro made me change my mind last year about the other schools where I was accepted. I guess you never know.

But for now, I’m so, SO happy with the idea of Greensboro! They definitely, all along, were one of my top choice schools. And it’s awesome that my first notification came as an acceptance letter this year. I’m so glad I gave myself another shot at this; it’s absolutely worth the wait!